


What Makes Me Smile

by rottnrotty



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mild Smut, POV Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-01
Updated: 2017-04-01
Packaged: 2018-10-11 07:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10458345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rottnrotty/pseuds/rottnrotty
Summary: Magnus has an impeccable sense of style, but how will Alec feel when his own fashion choices come under scrutiny?   The 5 times Magnus helps Alec with his appearance, and the 1 time Alec's bad style is all Magnus wants.Or, what happens when Alec realizes that Magnus isn't perfect.





	

Alec Lightwood had a boyfriend. It was something that still astounded him, even weeks after it had become official. Every time he thought about Magnus, the little addition of "my boyfriend" would pop into his head, making him grin like a mad man. The rest of the Institute no doubt thought he WAS crazy, seeing him smiling out of the blue, for no apparent reason.

In the darkness that was his life, Magnus shone through like a bright beacon of hope.  Being a Shadowhunter was always intense and laborious, but things had definitely been more difficult lately.  Alec felt like his world was falling apart.  No matter how much reassurance he received, he still felt responsible for Jocelyn's death, and Clary's narrow escape from being a Warlock's reproductive experiment. 

When there was no one else to turn to, and no where else to go, he could seek refuge with Magnus.  Alec didn't even need to talk - Magnus could tell what he was feeling just by looking at him.  How did Magnus always know just what to say to make Alec feel better?  

Alec had experienced an overwhelming number of firsts these past few weeks.  First kiss, first date, first almost breakup, first boyfriend, first time.  All of them had been with Magnus.  Maybe things were moving quite fast, but Alec was just so thrilled to have this perfect man in his life, he couldn't help but want to push for more.  He knew Magnus was wary of progressing their relationship too quickly.  His boyfriend was immortal, and had all the time in the world; taking things slow was no big deal to him.  For Alec, being a Shadowhunter meant you could die on a mission at any time.  He was going to make the time he had with his boyfriend count.

 

* * *

 

 1

When Alec Lightwood made a decision, you would be hard pressed to change his mind.  Alec had decided on Magnus after their first date, despite their differences - in age, in experience, in how they approached the world.  It all came down to one simple thing: was Alec willing to lose Magnus from his life?  The answer was unequivocally no.

With this decision made, the next step was to get it out in the open, expose everyone to their relationship.  Alec knew he was the talk of the town, and the Clave, because of his aborted wedding.  There was a lot of gossip swirling about the Lightwood heir being gay, and fraternizing with Downworlders.  Alec needed his family and colleagues to know that Magnus was more than just an experiment, or a fling.  

Max's Rune Ceremony provided the perfect opportunity to show the Shadowhunter world just how serious Alec was about Magnus Bane.  With Magnus planning the actual party, Alec knew the evening would be flawless.  It wasn't as if Magnus had just taken over, either.  He was constantly quizzing Alec on details about his family and upbringing, trying to add personal touches to the celebration.  It had become an evening ritual, where they would relax together on the couch with a drink and share stories.  At first, Alec had done most of the talking, answering Magnus's questions as succinctly and concisely as possible.  When it became clear that Magnus had more than enough information to pull together a party theme, Alec realized his boyfriend was just interested in learning more about his life.  His answers became more in depth, and he added more colourful details.  Slowly, over the course of a few nights, Magnus started telling his own stories.  Alec treasured each detail he learned about Magnus.  He could tell from the vulnerable look in Magnus's eyes that digging up past memories was not easy.

A couple of days before the party, Magnus asked Alec to meet him in the loft to discuss "an important detail".  When Alec showed up, he could hear Magnus shuffling around inside his bedroom.  He stuck his head in the doorway to say hello, and came to a sudden stop.  What a mess!  Magnus had clothes scattered on every available surface of the room.  Alec stood there for quite a while, opening and closing his mouth soundlessly, before Magnus realized he had an audience.

"Alexander!  It's so nice to see you." 

Alec just nodded his head and continued to stare around, dumbfounded.  How could one person own so many articles of clothing?

Magnus tilted his head and stepped toward Alec.  "Hello, Alec?  Earth to Alexander!"

Alec took a deep breath, and closed his eyes.  When he opened them, he was able to concentrate solely on Magnus, and send him a knowing smile.  "Are you having a wardrobe emergency?  I'm not sure I'll be much help to you."

Magnus snorted, "oh Alexander, you'd be the last person I'd ask for fashion advice.  Although your sister would be good in a pinch."  He swept his arms expansively around the room.  "I've laid out all the formal wear I own.  I just need to know what you are wearing to the party, so I can plan my outfit accordingly.  Do you happen to have a picture on your phone?"

For the second time in less than 10 minutes, Alec found himself at a loss for words.  How had he forgotten such a major detail?  Magnus understood almost immediately.

"Don't fret, pet.  I can see the anxiety in your eyes.  Just leave everything to me.  I'll pick out the ideal ensemble for you, and ensure the two of us look smashing together.  Do not worry, I won't match us like identical twins.  Just some nice touches so we complement each other."  Magnus had a twinkling smile on his face at the thought of dressing his sexy Shadowhunter.  

Alec was having a hard time meeting Magnus's eyes. How did you tell your boyfriend that while you found his style elegant and alluring on him, it was not how you would want to dress yourself?  Once again, before he could even start to voice his concerns, Magnus had seen where his thoughts lay.  "Alexander, I know you are a tradional guy.  Please don't distress that I am going to dress you in something that will make you uncomfortable.  I'm thinking a nice, neutral suit.  You'll see, it will be amazing." 

 _I am so lucky to have found this incredible man,_ Alec thought.  "Ok, I'll leave it in your hands," Alec said with a smile.  "I trust you 100%."

Magnus returned the smile, and stepped forward to envelope Alec in a tight hug.  "I was hoping to spend some quality time with you this evening, but now with the party two nights away, and the added detail of needing to procure you an outfit, I'm going to need all the time I have left to pull this off.  I'm sorry Alec."

"There's no need to be sorry.  I'm the one that asked you to plan the party, and I am so grateful that you agreed.  I'll come over early the day after tomorrow to help you set up."  Alec gave Magnus a quick peck on the lips before leaving his boyfriend to it.

The day of the party saw Alec and Magnus is a role reversal. For once, Magnus was the one who was nervous and uptight, while Alec felt giddy and unencumbered.  The outfit Magnus had picked out for him was perfect. Simple black dress pants, with a grey shirt and jacket.  Magnus had ensured their outfits did not match, but coordinated well together.  Alec adored that his handkerchief and Magnus's shirt were the same colour.  It was the perfect touch.  Magnus had a great deal of fun helping Alec get dressed, delighting in the fact that his boyfriend rarely wore dress clothes and would need guidance.  Buttoning a shirt and zipping up slacks was not beyond Alec's abilities, but having Magnus's assistance certainly made it more interesting.

Alec had never before received so many complements on his clothes or looks, even at his wedding.  Once he was sure that the guests had been properly greeted, and the evening was going well, Alec grabbed Magnus by the wrist and pulled him into the bedroom.  "Magnus, thank you so much.  Thank you for everything."  Alec knew he wasn't always great with words, but he hoped Magnus could hear the feeling behind what he was saying.

"I'm sure I can think of an appropriate way for you to thank me later, Alexander," Magnus said with a wink, heading for the door.  It was obvious he didn't want to leave the party unsupervised for too long.

Alec huffed out a laugh.  "Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something totally inappropriate.  Since you had so much fun dressing me in this classy outfit, maybe you can help me take it off later?"

Magnus stopped in his tracks, and looked at his boyfriend over his shoulder, eyes open wide.  "Are you trying to seduce me?  With fashion?"

"Maybe," Alec replied, still laughing.  "But seriously Magnus, I know how much work went into this.  And getting me this amazing outfit at the last minute?  You are perfect."

Magnus looked both touched and nervous.  "No one is perfect Alexander.  But I will accept your thanks.  And your seductions. Just at a later time."  He blew Alec a kiss and returned to the party.

 

* * *

  

2

Unfortunately, the Rune Ceremony party did not go according to plan, and Alec was denied the opportunity to thank Magnus in the way they had both been craving.

The actual Rune Ceremony took place at the Institute the next day.  Alec was in a great mood afterwards. Max had taken his first Rune like a champ; he hadn't even flinched.  Clary had lessened some of his fears and self-blame by absolving him of Jocelyn's death.  The horrible void between Jace and Maryse seemed to be on the mend.  Izzy even looked better today than she had in a long time.

For the second time in two days, Alec was decked out in a dressy outfit.  Granted, this one was the same plain black one he wore to every formal Shadowhunter event.  Black pants, black shirt, black tie, black jacket, and black shoes.  Somehow, he didn't think the colour would matter too much to his boyfriend.  All Alec could think of was Magnus undressing him, like they had talked about yesterday.  His whole body burned with the need to see Magnus.  Grabbing his cell phone, Alec snapped a quick picture and forwarded it by text, with the question "up for a fashion seduction?"

The reply from Magnus came less than 30 seconds later, "I hope you are already on your way ;)"

Alec was applying a glamour Rune before he had even finished reading the message.  He was about to jog to his boyfriend's loft in a suit, and didn't really want to attract unwanted attention.

Being the good (and predictably horny) boyfriend that he was, Magnus was waiting for him, lounging seductively on the doorframe.  Alec felt his pulse quicken, and had a moment of hesitation as Magnus raked his eyes up and down his body.  They really hadn't had that much intimate contact yet.  There had been a great deal of kissing, which Alec loved.  He felt at home when he was kissing Magnus.  The world continued to spin, but for the Shadowhunter, time stood still, and everything made sense.  Yet Alec longed for more.  More of Magnus, more closeness, more...what exactly?  He just wanted all of Magnus, wanted to wrap himself up in the Warlock like a blanket.  

Their first time had not gone as Alec had envisioned, but had been exceptional all the same.  Alec had taken charge, as he had been doing since the start of their relationship when it came to physical moments.  Magnus seemed tentative about touching Alec, like he was worried that if he made the wrong move, Alec would flit away like a skittish bird.  Bursting into Magnus's apartment, Alec had made his intentions know in as blunt a way as possible.  Seeing Magnus look so unguarded and exposed had nearly broken Alec's heart.  Who had given Magnus reason to doubt his attractiveness, his self-worth, and his ability to be loved?  Alec tried to overcome those fears, letting him know that Magnus had nothing to worry about with him.  He alternated between kissing Magnus, and whispering in his ear - "I need you. You make me feel safe.  You give me strength.  My heart beats faster every time I see you."  All things Alec felt, but would have a difficult time saying if they were sitting somewhere, just looking at each other.  Magnus let out a small, strangled cry, and Alec's heart cracked.

"If you are sure you're ready?" Magnus asked in a whisper, finally dragging his eye's up to Alec's. 

Alec just nodded, and pushed them both towards Magnus's plush bed.  Before Magnus could hit his knees, Alec grabbed him by the waist and gently tossed him on the bed.  He crawled up next to Magnus, and continued their kissing with vigour.  Longing for skin to skin contact with Magnus, he grabbed the hem of his own tshirt and pulled it over his head in one quick movement.  Then he turned to Magnus's shirt, and renewed his earlier efforts of getting it unbuttoned.  Once that was off, Alec carefully removed Magnus's necklaces, before sitting back and staring at his boyfriend's bare chest.  Magnus lying half naked on a pile of pillows, makeup slightly smudged and eyes full of lust, was the most beautiful thing that Alec had ever seen.  

As Alec bent down, Magnus reared up, and their lips locked in a passionate kiss.  It had never felt like this before - needy and hot and reckless.  Alec realized that this was the first time he wasn't totally in control of their kissing, and the thought inflamed him even more.

Alec was laying on his side, pressed against Magnus, who was still sprawled out on his back.  As Alec leaned in further to deepen their kiss, his clothed cock rubbed against Magnus's hip, eliciting a moan from Alec.  Before he knew what was happening, Magnus had sat up, pushed Alec onto his back, and climbed into his lap.  He ground his ass down on Alec's crotch, and Alec bucked his hips up in an instinctual reply.  Both of them were panting heavily.  But Magnus was much too far away.  Alec reached up and grabbed his shoulders, draggging him down until their chests were skin to skin.  Magnus shifted himself slightly so that their cocks were touching, and even through the layers of fabric, the pressure of Magnus's dick next to his was the most provocative thing that Alec had ever felt.  He bucked his hips again, and bit back a moan at the pulse of pleasure that coursed through his body.  Magnus responded by thrusting himself down onto Alec, and with each roll of his hips, their cocks would rub together, bringing Alec's blood to a boil.  For a second, Alec was worried about the embarrassment of coming in his pants, but since Magnus didn't seem concerned, he pushed that thought aside to live in the moment.  

Their kisses quickly turned sloppy, as both men got closer to the edge.  Alec swept his hands up and down Magnus's back, trying to touch as much skin as possible.  Magnus had one hand on Alec's neck, tracing his deflect Rune, while the other propped him up on the bed.  Alec could feel his self control slipping, and knew he was close. He broke their kiss, and buried his head in Magnus's shoulder, lightly biting and sucking on the soft skin there.  Magnus moved his hand from Alec's neck to his nipple, and gave it a small tug.  It was enough to bring Alec to orgasm, mumbling Magnus's name into his boyfriend's shoulder.  Magnus gave a couple more circular hip thrusts before finding his release.  He flopped all his weight down on top of Alec, panting and totally spent. 

After a few minutes, Alec started fidgeting, and Magnus took the hint, rolling off of him and cuddling up to his side.  "What do you call that?" Alec asked, feeling both blissful and flustered.

"I call that dry humping my gorgeous boyfriend into the mattress," Magnus replied with a wicked grin.  "Oh Alexander, you are so deliciously sinful.  I am way too old to be coming in my pants from rutting like a horny teenager."  Knowing that he had such an effect on Magnus made Alec feel even more satisfied.

Having a Warlock for a boyfriend had its perks.  Alec would not have to spend the night in uncomfortable wet boxers - Magnus just cleaned them up with a snap of his fingers.  Once Alec pulled off his jeans, Magnus eyed up Alec's underwear with a slight frown.  "My dear Alexander, if I had known how sad your boxers were, I would have made you change into a fresh pair of mine instead.  Oh well, a game for another day."

Suddenly Alec was aware of Magnus clearing his throat, and he realized he had been immersed in his memories for too long.  Magnus was still leaning on the door jam, but now he had a predatory look in his eyes, like he had guessed exactly what Alec was thinking about.  Alec's hesitation totally disappeared.  He stepped forward towards Magnus, unbuttoning his dress shirt as he went.  Magnus quickly swatted his hands away, pouting out, "that's my job, stop stealing my fun."

"So the first part of your plan is to undress me.  Then what?" Alec asked, touching his forehead to Magnus's and gazing into his eyes.

"Uhh", replied Magnus, for once at a loss for words.  He recovered himself quickly. "I guess I really hadn't thought past the first step.  Do you have something in mind?"

"Yah.  I'd like you to dress me in a fancy pair of your underwear.  Like you mentioned last time?"  Alec was too turned on to be embarrassed, and he hoped Magnus felt the same way.

"Oh dear god Alexander, I think that could be arranged."  Magnus hauled him towards the bedroom so fast, they were practically jogging.

 

* * *

 

 3

All couples fight, it is totally natural, and helped the relationship grow.  But what if you hurled hurtful words at your loved one, implied they weren't your family, that you didn't trust them?  And now that person was probably dead, had been missing for hours and hours, and you would never get the chance to make it right, to let them know how you feel?

Alec had been searching for Magnus for what felt like an eternity.  He had studied the faces of so many dead Downworlders, he wanted to just lay down and die himself.   When he felt himself slipping, he applied another stamina or fortitude Rune, and pushed himself on.  He would find Magnus, one way or another.

In the end, it was Magnus who found him.  Rushing to assure Alec that Madzie was ok, that he had gotten her to safety in time.  Like Magnus wasn't the most important thing in Alec's life.  Did he deserve this remarkable man, who kept giving and giving while expecting so little in return?  Alec struggled to gather his scrambled thoughts of the last few hours, to formulate them into a speech that would let Magnus understand the depth of his feelings.  It wasn't enough.  Alec could tell Magnus was touched, but it wasn't enough.  All he could think of was "I love him, he nearly died, I love him so much."  So Alec told him, in his blunt way, not caring if it was said back, just needing Magnus to hear the truth.

What comes after "I love you?"  Alec wasn't sure.  But with Valentine in custody, he had a little more breathing room to find out.  The problem of the Soul Sword being missing was still a top priority, but everyone was hoping that whoever picked it up had no idea how to activate it.

That left more time for Alec and Magnus to explore their relationship.  So far, that meant a lot more kissing, cuddling, and sex.  As exciting as it was, they were both getting the itch to venture out on another date.  

Magnus was in favour of portalling somewhere out of the city.  "Tensions are high between Shadowhunters and Downworlders right now.  Not everyone understands why Jace touched the sword.  A lot of people lost loved ones when the sword was activated, and some blame the Shadowhunters, especially since it happened at the Institute."

While Alec understood what Magnus was saying, he didn't want to run away from the problem.  He loved New York, and wanted to be able to enjoy it with the person who meant the most to him.  "I have an idea. Let's get together with some of your friends. You have spent so much time with mine.  It's only fair."  

"Alec, are you proposing an actual date, or a meeting to improve Downworlder-Shadowhunter relations?" pouted Magnus.

Alec barked out a laugh.  How was Magnus always able to figure him out?  "Alright, I may have had a bit of an ulterior motive, but I do want to meet your friends. Maybe not Raphael right now, but others I've heard you talk about, like Catarina?"

It was Alec's obvious honesty and eagerness that had Magnus nodding his head.  "How about a little dinner party, here at the loft?  With just a handful of guests? Today is Tuesday, I should be able to throw something simple yet elegant together for Saturday night, if that suits you?"

"A dinner party would be wonderful Magnus.  Thank you."  

Magnus narrowed his eyes while gazing at Alec.  "Do you need assistance with your outfit?"

Alec felt a small twinge of annoyance.  Magnus really did think he was totally hopeless.  "I guess that depends on how elegant you are planning to go.  Would the shirt and pants I wore to the Rune Ceremony work?"

"That would be just fine Alec.  I do realize you are not as frivolous as I am when it comes to your wardrobe. If I were you, I'd use this as an excuse to buy myself something new and pretty."

"Nope, I'm fine in what I've got," Alec said, and watched Magnus roll his eyes comically.  Alec let out a chuckle, but it was something he had to force a little.  He was a grown man, and had been dressing himself for years without Magnus's help.  Why did he suddenly feel like this mattered so much?  For the first time, he felt slighty unsure of himself around Magnus, like maybe he was letting him down somehow.  It wouldn't be the first time a loved one had thought of him as a disappointment.

No, Alec was wrong, he was just projecting those feeling onto Magnus.  He had to be.  Looking at his boyfriend, he saw nothing but love and excitement in his expression.  Alec scootched down on the couch, and rested his head in Magnus's lap.  Right away he felt Magnus's steady hands running through his hair, twirling strands around his powerful fingers.  Being taken care of like this, by Magnus, it felt so good.

"Your hair is getting so long.  Maybe it's time for a little trim, get it cleaned up before the party, hmmm?" Magnus asked, smiling down at Alec.  Through pure force of will, Alec was able to smile back, but he could not stop the feeling of dread from spreading over his body like he had been doused in cold water.   It was the realization that Magnus was embarrassed by, or possibly ashamed of, Alec's outward appearance.  It hurt.  But it was such a small thing really, compared to all the judgements he had endured.  He decided that he was overthinking, as usual, and most likely blowing Magnus's words all out of proportion.

Despite Alec's trepidation, the dinner party went well.  In fact, it was brilliant.  Magnus had invited Simon, which helped calm Alec's nerves immensely. Simon was jittery around strangers, and made Alec look cool and composed in comparison.

The three remaining guests were long time Downworlder friends of Magnus's, two other Warlocks and a Werewolf.  Although all openminded individuals, Alec could see the reluctance they shared at mingling socially with a Shadowhunter.  Once again, Simon proved himself invaluable.  His rambling stories made it clear that Alec had deep ties to the Downworld, apart from Magnus.   By the time he finished his romanticized version of Alec showing up at Magnus's, and helping heal the new local alpha ("I could tell they were meant to be, even back then."), the group was all fast friends. 

What happened after the party was the best part for Alec.  Magnus gathered him into a bone-squashing hug, and praised him for his delightful diplomat skills.  He also seemed rather aroused by Alec's dress clothes again.  "You have been teasing me all night Alexander.  Sitting across from me, looking good enough to eat."  There was no mention of wearing old clothes, or haircuts being needed.  Just honest lust in Magnus's eyes while ogling his boyfriend, confirming Alec's intuition that he was reading too much into Magnus's offers of fashion help.

But even though Alec felt more infatuated than ever with Magnus, subconsciously there was still a little hint of doubt in his heart, burrowing from the inside like a worm in an apple.

 

* * *

 

4

No one could have predicted that the Shadowhunters would be even busier after Valentine was captured and locked up.  There was a two week window of relative peace, before all hell had broken loose again.

Many of the city's Downworlders were still demanding justice, or at least a plausible explanation, for the slaughter at the New York Institute.  Instead of allowing Alec to handle things with some delicacy and discretion, the Clave ordered Victor Aldertree to meet with the Downworld representatives. His arrogance and total lack of compassion had rubbed everyone the wrong way, straining the fragile relationship between Shadowhunters and the Downworld to the breaking point.

Alec was running himself ragged, trying to be everywhere at once.  Word of his sympathy towards the Downworld had spread.  He was proud that his siblings and Clary were included in this regard.  They were being touted as a new generation of Shadowhunters, who believed everyone was equal, deserving the same rights and freedoms.  As such, they were highly sought after for settling disputes and upholding laws.  They were all growing exhausted.

It wasn't just the Downworld that was in turmoil. The number of Demons in the City had been increasing at an alarming rate, and the Institute's Shadowhunters were having a hard time keeping up.  The Clave had demanded that every able-bodied Shadowhunter be put on patrol duty.  As a result, Alec was Demon hunting on his only night off in the past week, paired with his sister, who was still suffering effects of yin fen withdrawal.  

Alec kept stealing glances at Izzy out of the corner of his eye.  She looked a lot better, but he could see the slight tremor that remained in her hands, and the fine sheen of sweat glistening on the back of her neck.  It was way too soon for her to be on patrol.  And she had been contributing in far more important ways.  Isabelle's ties to the Seelies and knowledge of their customs made her one of the most capable ambassadors to the Downworld.  However, it was also common knowledge that Isabelle Lightwood was a proficient fighter.  Unless they wanted to explain Izzy's yin fen addiction to the Clave, she would have to complete missions when ordered.

The siblings were within blocks of the Institute when the necklace around Isabelle's neck began to pulse.  They kept moving, but altered their stances so they were back-to-back, and walking slightly sideways.  Alec was hastily scanning their surroundings, searching for threats.  "Do you see anything?" he asked.  He felt rather than saw Izzy shake her head.

Alec drew out his stele, and activated his enhanced hearing Rune.  Concentrating hard, he thought he heard an out of place noise coming from in front of Izzy.  He swung around, gabbing an arrow as he did so, but he was too late.  The Demon was almost upon them, and moving quickly.  It was in much too close range to be effectively killed by an arrow.  Even when feeling ill, Isabelle still had lightening-quick reflexes.  Her whip shot out, ensnaring the Demon at their feet.  Grabbing a dagger from her thigh high boot, Izzy finished it off quickly.

"That was a Shax Demon.  We're being tracked," Izzy noted.  Alec couldn't understand why.  Everyone in the Shadow world knew they could find the youngest generation of Lightwoods at the New York Institute.  As he was voicing this thought to his sister, the necklace from Magnus began to pulse once more.  

Two Raum Demons stalked towards them.  Alec was able to kill one quickly with an arrow, but the other jumped forward to engage Izzy, and she was forced to battle with a seraph blade, as she had not grabbed her whip from the ground when the Shax Demon disintegrated.  It was further proof for Alec that his sister was not fully recovered.  

Izzy was much too close to the Demon's poisonous teeth for Alec's liking.  Instead of jumping into the fight, Alec indicated that Izzy should start backing away.  The Demon followed, thinking his target was weakening.  They moved enough for Alec to grab his sister's whip, and he flung it through the air into her waiting hand.  Even a clever Raum Demon was no match for Isabelle Lightwood and her electrum whip.  

"That's two to one for me tonight big brother," said Isabelle, before falling to her knees at Alec's feet.  She looked totally wrecked.  Alec scooped her up and ran the remaining blocks back to the Institute.

After Alec got his sister set up in her room, with Clary watching over her, the magnitude of the night's events crashed down on him.  Someone had sent a tracking Demon, and retrieving Demons, after himself and his sister.  The Lightwoods were being hunted.

He needed comfort, and comfort for Alec now meant Magnus Bane.  He had intended to catch a few hours of sleep at the Institute before checking in on Isabelle again, but the need to be with Magnus was stronger.  It probably wasn't even safe for him to be out by himself right now, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.  Not even taking time to change out of his gear, he ran out of the Institute.  

It was in the earlier hours of the morning when Alec reached Magnus's loft.  The sun was just starting to peak up over the buildings. Alec knew Magnus would not be up for several hours yet.  Now that they had been dating for a while, Magnus had provided Alec with a key to his loft, that also unlocked the Warlock's wards.  He would be able to sneak in without disturbing Magnus's sleep.

All Alec wanted to do was crawl in bed with his boyfriend.  He quickly stripped out of his gear, and down to a tshirt and boxers.  Woah, on second thought, the shirt smelled a lot like sweat.  He pulled that off too, and cuddled in next to Magnus, asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Alec woke up several hours later to the soothing feeling of a hand being rubbed gently up and down his spine.  "Good morning," he mumbled, face still shoved in his pillow.

"You mean good afternoon," replied Magnus. "It is after one o'clock. The perfect time to eat a delicious brunch prepared by the world's most thoughtful and adorable boyfriend." 

Alec couldn't help but smile. Even when he was being vain, Magnus was the most considerate person.

"Come on sleepy head, get a move on.  I want you to taste my crepes before they get cold! Grab some of your extra clothes out of the drawer and haul ass to the kitchen."  Alec decided to add pushy to the list of adjectives describing Magnus that day.  Thoughtful, adorable, vain, considerate, and pushy.  It painted a pretty accurate picture.

It felt reassuring to have spare clothes at Magnus's place.  Alec knew exactly what he wanted to put on - a pair of comfortable sweatpants and his favourite hoodie.  That old sweater always helped him feel better.

The sweats were easy to find, but Alec came up empty handed on the hoodie.  He rummaged through the drawer more than was necessary, hoping it would somehow appear. When had he last seen it?  He had worn it a week ago, while he and Magnus were relaxing watching movies on Netflix.  Maybe it was still in the wash.  "Hey Magnus, have you seen my favourite hoodie?"

"Which one is that?  They all look the same; ratty and ready for the dump."

Alec didn't rise to the bait. "You know the one.  It's grey, it has **I heart NY**  on the front."

"I'm sorry Alec, I'm sure I haven't seen it.  Now come eat."

Magnus really did not seem to be grasping the severity of the problem. This was Alec's special shirt.  Jace and Izzy had gotten it for him over 10 years ago from a tourist stand.  They had snuck out of the Institute and used their own money to buy it.  He remembered it was so long, it fell halfway down his thighs.  It still fit a little big after years of stretching, hitting him in the middle of his ass.  Maybe the cuffs were falling apart, and the pouch and hood were full of holes, but he still loved that shirt more than any piece of clothing he possessed.  It was a reminder of his sibling's love, the one thing he had always been able to depend on.

Standing in the bedroom wasn't getting him anywhere, so he ventured into the kitchen, still bare chested.  Magnus was waiting at the table with a frown on his face.

"Please Magnus, think.  This is important to me.  Did you maybe wash it?"  Alec could tell that Magnus was getting bored with the conversation, but he ploughed on anyway.

Magnus stopped picking at his nail polish, and looked up at Alec.  "Oh yes, I did wash that one.  You said it was grey, right?"  Magnus seemed totally unconcerned.  "I must have put it on too rough a cycle.  It fell apart, and I threw it out."  

They stared at each other for a few seconds, before Magnus testily said, "brunch is rapidly cooling and getting ruined.  Can we please eat?  I promise, I'll buy you another ugly hoodie."

Something inside Alec snapped.  Rationally, he knew that Magnus had no idea of the importance behind the hoodie.  How he used to put it on and hide in it after being yelled at by his parents.  How he would pretend it was his mother's arms hugging him on nights she forgot to come and tuck him in.  How it had come to symbolize the love and accepatance of the two people who had purchased it.  But Alec was finding it very hard to be rational.

"Are you saying your stupid brunch is more important than something I care about?" His voice sounded low and even, but there was a hint of danger in the tone.

"Are you saying you care more for a rotting piece of clothing than you do for spending time with me?" Magnus shot back.

Aurgh, it was just like Magnus to twist things around and make himself the victim.  "Damn it Magnus, did I fucking say that?  No.  I wanted to see you so much, I ran across town before dawn, after being attacked by Demons.  I left my sick sister at the Institute, who collapsed after mild exertion last night, so I could wake up next to you.  All I asked was for you to put a little effort into helping me find something that was important to me.  But that was too boring for you.  And now I find out it's ruined anyway, and you obviously don't give a shit." 

Magnus looked like he had been slapped.  "Alexander, I didn't know.  I'm so sorry.  The hoodie-." 

The slamming of the loft door cut off whatever Magnus had been trying to say.

 

* * *

 

5

Jace was the first to call him out on his foul mood.  "You know, when you and Magnus started dating, you were happy all the time.  People used to talk about how creepy it was to see you smile so much.  Now you look like you just got diagnosed with Demon Pox.  What's going on?"

The withering scowl that Alec threw at Jace would have made a lesser man quake in his boots.  Jace just raised his eyebrows and said, "dude, you don't scare me.  You've been glaring at me like that for a decade, I'm used to it.  What's up?"

"I don't really want to talk about it," Alec muttered.

"Come on.  Did the magnificent Magnus piss you off somehow?"  Jace said it jokingly, but the look on Alec's face told him that he was close to the truth.  "Oh shit, sorry man.  I didn't realize you guys were having problems.  I thought maybe mom was giving you grief about him or something."

Alec just shock his head.  "It's actually really stupid, ok?  I love Magnus.  Like a lot.  I think too much.  Because I'm letting stuff bother me that seems trivial, but I can't help but be pissed.  I feel like someone I love should know better, like he should understand."

Jace was staring at him mournfully.  "Alec, that's not how it works.  Magnus loves you, but he's not perfect, he can't read your mind.  Does he know why you are upset?"

"Uuhmm, sort of," mumbled Alec.

"Sort of?  That doesn't sound good.  Hey, I know I'm not a relationship expert, but if you really love this guy, 'sort of' ain't gonna cut it.  Magnus is in this for the long haul Alec, if he's fucking up in someway, it's not deliberate.  Have you guys been talking?"

"No, not really.  He's called and text me a few times, but I haven't replied yet."  As soon as the words left his mouth, Alec could hear how petulant they sounded.  Jace just gave him a sympathetic look.

"I get it, this dating thing is new to you.  Magnus knows that too.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but think logically, you are good at that.  Figure out what your problem is, and seek out the solution.  And for fuck's sake, talk to Magnus about it."  Jace gave him a brisk pat on the shoulder before walking away.  Talking about feelings was not his strong suit, a trait he and Alec had in common.

Alec wondered briefly how frustrating it must be for Magnus to be dating a 20-something year old man who had less relationship knowledge and experience than the average teenager.  After his chat with Jace, it seemed completely obvious that avoiding Magnus was a shortsighted plan.  

 

To:Magnus

Sorry I haven't returned your calls.

 

From: Magnus

I'm sorry.  I was petty and selfish.

 

To: Magnus

Don't Magnus.  It's ok. I think we just need to talk.

 

From: Magnus

Yes please!  Come over?

 

To: Magnus

Be there soon. 

 

Was it possible to feel apprehensive and light-hearted at the same time?  Maybe this is what being in a relationship was like, or maybe it was just Magnus that did this to him.  

Alec tried to formulate a course of action on his way to Magnus's.  On missions, he liked having a plan in place, and this was infinitely more important than a nephilim work assignment.  He needed to talk first, to explain his thoughts, before Magnus got going and everything got jumbled.  Magnus was so verbose; he could paint a picture with his words, and it always left Alec breathless how well he conveyed his feelings.  It was actually a bit intimidating.  If Alec didn't get the first word, he knew he was in trouble.

The plan was out the window immediately.  Magnus was waiting for him in the doorway, and started speaking before Alec even had time to close the door behind him.

"I'm so glad you came!  Come in, come in, I have something for you."  Magnus seemed exceedingly chipper.

Alec was nonplussed at this greeting.  "Uh, ok."

"Here," Magnus held out a shirt to Alec, looking a little twitchy.  There was a pause of silence before he started to babble quite nervously.  "I'm sorry about the other day.  I'm still not exactly sure what happened, but I do know I acted like a cranky diva."

Alec thrust out a hand, and received a navy blue hoodie.  The front was plain, but when he spun it around, he was shocked to see an arrow quiver printed on the back.

"I know it's not the same as the hoodie you lost, but I hope you like it," Magnus said humbly.

It was clear that Magnus went through a lot of effort to either find or have this shirt made for Alec.  "Magnus....wow.  Thanks." 

Magnus looked at him hopefully, but made no move in his direction.   _It's like he's trying not to startle a wild animal,_ Alec thought. He better try and articulate what's been bugging him, Magnus deserved it.  "Ok, look Magnus-".

"Wait, there's more!"  Magnus seemed to have decided that Alec wasn't going to bolt, and wanted to get everything he had arranged over with quickly.  Darn it, that was Alec's plan, and Magnus had high-jacked it.  "I've been thinking about you all the time.  So when I was shopping for the hoodie, I couldn't help but pick up a couple of other things I thought would suit you.  Check out these jeans; much better than the shapeless ones you usually wear.  They will do such good things for your luscious ass," Magnus smirked, while holding out a pair of artfully ripped black jeans to Alec.

Alec's nagging little doubts came together into one clear thought.  He didn't care if Magnus hated his clothes, or his hair.  He didn't even care that his hoodie had been ruined.  "You don't like me," Alec finally said.

The smirk fell off Magnus's face, replaced by a frown.  "I think we've established that I like you quite a bit.  In fact, I love you Alexander.  What would make you say otherwise?"

Shit, talking to Magnus could still turn him into a flustered, babbling idiot.  He needed to get it together and explain himself properly.  "Ok, I know you like me, but it's not enough.  I mean, you don't like everything about me.  You keep trying to change me.  Like you want me to look different and stuff,  to dress nicer around your friends.  I'm not good enough the way I am, right?"

"I...I thought you liked it when I picked out clothes for you," Magnus stuttered.  Alec had never heard him sound so unsure before.  But he was kind of missing the point.

"Well I guess I did, when it felt like you were helping me," Alec admitted.  "But I just started to feel like you were trying to make me into a different person, someone who would fit into your life better than a sloppy Shadowhunter."

Magnus was standing immobile, eyes opened wide as he stared at Alec.  "Why didn't you say something sooner?" wondered Magnus. He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head.  Alec could feel the tension in the room rising.  "Jesus, I'm A Warlock, not a Psychic.  How was I supposed to know you felt like that?"  

Magnus's irritation caused Alec to become more distressed.  "I guess I just know that you could do better. I've been thinking that a lot lately.  You could have anyone.  I'm just some inexperienced doofus who was lucky enough to date you for a bit, but I could never make you happy in the long run."  Alec took one last moment to drink in Magnus's beauty, before turning on his heal and fleeing the loft.

He can hear Magnus calling out behind him, the sound of his boots on the steps as he chased Alec down the stairs.  It was too late.  Alec had activated his speed and glamour runes, and was running to the Institute.  He needed to get away, before he was lulled back in by Magnus's pretty words and sweet promises.  His heart was already broken, he was sure he wouldn't survive it happening a second time.

 

* * *

 

+1

Alec didn't tell anyone about his breakup with Magnus.  Almost everyone he knew wouldn't care anyway, or would be happy he had cut off romantic ties with a Downworlder.  Those that would care had already guessed what happened, but were thankfully giving him space to process the situation.  It was hard to see the concern and pity in his friend's eyes.  Even Simon looked devastated whenever he came around.  

Bottling up his emotions was Alec's usual way of dealing with his problems, and this time was no exception.  Having never dated before, he didn't have a frame of reference, but he hoped what he felt for Magnus would just dwindle over time, like a fire gradually dying out.  So far that wasn't the case.  Instead, it was like the fire was being fed, the flames fanned into something uncontrollable.

Magnus had phoned and text Alec numerous times in the last few weeks.  Each message was ignored and deleted. Alec wanted a clean break; it would be better for both of them.  But the blaze consumed his heart, turning into an inferno he could no longer ignore.  Late at night, he received a text.

 

From: Magnus

I love you Alexander.  Always.

 

He was helpless.  In a daze, he replied.

 

To: Magnus

I love you too.

 

As soon as he hit send, the fog in his head lifted, and he was wracked with an overwhelming feeling of nausea and shame.  How was this helping either of them move on?  Alec was sickened with himself, he was being so weak.   Before Magnus could reply, he threw his phone against the wall.  On impact, the screen cracked and the phone went dead.  It didn't give him the satisfaction he thought it would.

Alec shuffled around the Institute like a zombie.  His work was always done with precision, but interaction with other Shadowhunters was nonexistent.  He was doing his best to support Izzy and Jace, but being positive for them was sapping his energy.  People avoided talking to him unless it was business related.  Alec couldn't help but see the similarities between this and his old life, back when he was infatuated with Jace, before he had Magnus.  He was miserable and grim-faced back then, and he had certainly returned to that personality.

A meeting had been called over recent attacks on the Institute's wards.  Alec dreaded attending - most likely Magnus would be there, as he had initially set up and then reinforced the wards.  Instead, a young female Warlock was present for the debriefing.  Alec couldn't be bothered to listen.  He was equal parts relieved and disappointed to see a new Warlock working with the Institute.  Magnus must be moving on.

After the meeting broke up, Alec decided to seek out Izzy and Jace for a little human companionship.  He found them huddled in a corner with Clary, speaking in low but frantic tones.  They stopped talking when he got into hearing distance.

"What's going on?" Alec asked, trying to make eye contact with someone.  They had all become silent and started staring at their shoes when Alec approached.

Isabelle took a deep breath, rearranged her face to look calm, and met Alec's eyes.  "Nothing you need to worry about, big brother.  We've got this under control."

From the corner of his eye, Alec saw Clary raise her head to stare at Isabelle.  He turned to look at Clary, and witnessed the pleading expression on her face.  Izzy glanced over at her, and gave a small but firm shake of her head.  Clary sighed deeply, and nodded before starting to walk away. 

"Wait," Alec said, reaching out to grab Clary's arm.  "Even I can see that something's wrong.  Can I help?"

"Oh Alec, you might be the only one who can," Clary said in a rush.  Izzy and Jace were looking at him apprehsively. Clary continued, "it's Magnus.  Have you heard from him lately?"

"Uh, no.  Not for a while," Alec replied uncomfortably.  "My phone broke a few days ago.  I'm not sure if he's tried to contact me or not."

Clary choked down a little sob.  Jace slung an arm around her, and said, "that's the problem Alec.  No one has heard from Magnus in almost a week.  He won't answer our calls.  Even official ones from the Institute.  He's missed meetings with clients.  The wards are up at the loft, but he won't come to the door if he is there.  Everyone close to him is extremely worried."

Clary looked at Alec hopefully.  "I guess I was hoping that if you tried, maybe Magnus would respond to you."

Hopelessness and anguish washed over Alec like a tidal wave.  Was Magnus hurt?  Was he even alive?  He could tell from Clary's expression that the thought had crossed her mind, that Magnus could be dead.  Wouldn't Alec know, be able to feel the loss somehow?  It seemed ludicrous that immortal Magnus Bane could be gone from the earth, without anyone sensing it.

Alec was sprinting from the room without a second thought.  His siblings and Clary were calling out behind him.  They had probably been expecting Alec to try and phone Magnus, but with his cell broken, a personal visit seemed like the only option.  Luckily he still had a key to Magnus's loft, which would allow him access, even if the wards were up. 

It was the quickest trip Alec had ever made from the Institute to Magnus's place without the help of a portal.  He said a tiny prayer to Raziel that his key still worked, and charged into the loft.

Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't this.  A mess of takeout containers littered the counters and coffee table.  Clothes were lying abandoned on the floor.  There was a musty smell in the air, so unlike the usual intoxicating scent that lingered at Magnus's.  Alec did a quick study of the main rooms, and concluded there was no sign of a struggle.

That left the bedroom.  The door was closed, which was unusual in itself.  Alec was terrified to see what was behind the door, but his need to find Magnus and assure his safety pushed him forward.

It was the second time in the span of minutes that Alec was totally shocked, for he surely wasn't expecting what he found.  Magnus was in the room, obviously alive and physically unharmed.  He was curled up in the fetal position in the middle of his bed, eyes squinched tightly shut, and appeared to be asleep.  Tears tracks were drying down his face.  He had no makeup on, and his hair looked flat and dull.  

Alec was so shocked by Magnus's appearance, it took him a moment to realize that Magnus was on top of the blankets, and he wasn't fully dressed.  His long tan legs were bare, and pulled up to his chest.  Alec felt a little tawdry, like he was witnessing something he shouldn't be.  Magnus was always so powerful and in control, how would he react to someone seeing him in this state?

As Alec continued to stare, Magnus released his legs and stretched out on the bed, mumbling "Alexander" under his breath.  If that wasn't enough to break Alec's heart, seeing what Magnus was wearing would be.  It was Alec's hoodie, the grey one that he loved so much, that he had fought with Magnus about.  It hung off of the Warlock's lanky frame, covering him from chin to the top of his thighs.  The sleeves were too long, but Magnus had stuck his thumbs out through holes in the cuffs, so his hands were visible.  Alec had never seen him look this fragile and exposed.

"Magnus," Alec whispered.  "Magnus, it's Alec, wake up.  Oh shit, please wake up and talk to me Magnus."  Alec had never felt more anxious or frightened in his whole life.  "Magnus," he said with a little more force, "Magnus, please Magnus."  He knew he was rambling, but he didn't know what else to say.

Finally Magnus cracked one crusty eye open. "Dreaming," he groaned, and rolled back into a ball, shutting his eyes again.

"No, no you are not dreaming Magnus.  It's me, it's Alec.  I'm here."  Desperation clung to every word.  It was dawning on Alec that this was all his fault.  He had caused this, he was responsible for Magnus's misery.  He had vowed to himself that he would never hurt Magnus, and he had done more than that.  He had left him broken.

Magnus decided to believe that Alec was real, and pulled himself up to a seated position, resting his back against the headboard, pulling his knees up to his chest and Alec's hoodie down over his legs.  "Why are you here?" he asked.

"I came to check on you.  Everyone is so worried about you Magnus.  You stopped returning calls, and you skipped out on work," Alec explained.

Magnus gave him a cold look, and replied, "well, as you can see, I'm alive and in one piece. Go spread the word Shadowhunter."

It was clearly a dismissal, but Alec decided to ignore it.  His instincts were telling him that if he didn't make things right with Magnus now, he never would.  There was so much that he wanted to say.  'I love you and are you all right? and do you still love me? and can I hug you?'  What ended up coming out of his mouth was, "why are you wearing my shirt?"

Magnus shook his head slowly, like it pained him to answer.  "I always knew you'd leave me Alec.  I was your first relationship, your first kiss!  Most people have multiple partners before settling down, and I knew it was just a matter of time before you figured out how hard this was, how much easier it would be to date a nice Shadowhunter boy.  I wasn't lying  about my feelings for you; I haven't felt this way in a long time, if ever.  I wanted that sweater to remember you by.  I wanted to be able to wrap up in it, like I'm doing now, and pretend I still had you.  I didn't realize how special it was to you, and when I tried to tell you it wasn't actually ruined, you stormed out before I could finish.  That made me want to keep it all the more, like I could sense that the end was near."  Magnus took a large breath, and continued, "I am sorry I stole your hoodie.  I am sorry I made you feel like you weren't good enough for me.  I am sorry you thought I wanted to change you - I don't, I've always liked you exactly as you are.  I am sorry for trying to make you eat crepes, and wear skinny jeans, and match outfits.  Thank you for checking on me.  Goodbye Alexander."

"No," Alec huffed.

"No?" echoed Magnus.

"No," Alec repeated.  He crawled on the bed next to Magnus and sunk his head into the Warlock's shoulder.  "No.  I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I didn't...I couldn't...I'm not good at this.  I love you Magnus.  I always will.  And I know that because even when we were apart, my love for you grew every day."

"Really?" Magnus whimpered.  

"Really," Alec affirmed.  "I thought my heart was going to explode. Do you still want me?"

"Of course I do, you silly Nephilim.  I love you too.  Maybe too much too fast, but there it is."  Magnus had started twirling strands of Alec's hair between his fingers.  Alec could not believe his luck.  Keeping his head on Magnus's shoulder, he tentatively wrapped his arms around the Warlock's waist.

"So wait, just to be clear, are we getting back together?"  Alec had to be sure before he got his hopes up too high.

Magnus placed a kiss on his forehead.  "I'm game if you are.  I wasn't handling our breakup very well, as I'm sure you have surmised.  Maybe we could work on being a little more open with our feelings?  If you have concerns or fears, bring them up to me.  Picking up and trying to glue together pieces of a fractured relationship isn't easy, and it gets trickier with every large break."

Alec nodded enthusiastically into Magnus's shoulder.  He could feel his mad man grin alighting his face again.  Because Alec Lightwood had a boyfriend.  A beautiful, witty, crabby, selfless, self indulgent, powerful, sneaky, considerate, generous, pushy, compassionate boyfriend.  Magnus was right when he told Alec that he wasn't perfect.  It didn't matter, because Magnus was perfect for him, and Alec could see that now.  Despite their differences and their flaws, they were perfect for each other.  Alec couldn't help smile.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it to the end, I want to thank you so much for reading! 
> 
> I had intended to do a short fic based on some of Magnus's gorgeous outfits on the show, but it got away from me.
> 
> I am the only one who checked for mistakes before posting, so if you see something, feel free to let me know. Or just drop me a line and we can squeal about Malec together!


End file.
